With nine days left at home, I’ve inadvertently sent myself on a nostalgic adventure going through an array of old photos, letters I’ve written and received, and (embarrassing) old writing from as early as age ten. Some of the photos have been hilarious to go through, for example, this one circa 2010. (My little sister gave me permission because she laughed just as hard as I did when I showed her, and even went as far as to tell me now, “I wish women could pee standing up too, men have it so easy”)
Of course, some of the mementos I’ve come across as not nearly as humorous as my sister peeing in a urinal on vacation in Minnesota. But nonetheless, they are the memories and little fragments of our lives that have brought us all here to our present moment, wherever and whoever we are in the world. We thank all the memories–good or bad–because without them, who would we really be if none of those events actually happened?
I had this small, temporary lapse in faith in myself recently. Mostly due to stress, overthinking, and the works, I found myself doubting if I, Marie Soukup, could really pull off 1) moving to a foreign country for a year 2) taking my first adult job 3) signing my first apartment lease in a foreign country and 4) teaching children, something I didn’t even suspect myself to be doing in January of this year. On top of the usual young-adult-just-trying-to-function activity daily, I had hit a stress road block. Actually, during the lowest point, I seriously considered just staying put, finding a job, and reworking my ideas.
The word “regret” is not unfamiliar to me and like my best friend, Kelsey, from college reminded me when I was first making the decision, “would you rather wonder what could have been or just go?” Obviously, I didn’t want to wonder what could have happened. Mostly, what held me back, was the unplanned and the unfamiliar. I used to be someone very scared of changes, unplanned additions to life, and everything in between. But over the years, I learned life is all about the unexpected. Life is not about waiting for the sunshine, but learning to dance in the rain and work through whatever comes your way.
I used to believe people just got lucky, and they really were in the “right place at the right time”. But over time and experience, I have seen far different realities. I don’t think being able to return to Taiwan came out of luck. Trust me when I say if I had not worked over forty hours most weeks this summer, usually with only one day off a week, I would not be going to Taiwan. That’s not luck. It’s all about realizing what you have to do to do what you want to do. Sometimes your decisions aren’t the most ideal, but literally it’s simple: you do what you gotta do.
What I used to confuse luck with was motivation and having a drive to actually do something, instead of waiting for the universe to answer your silent calls to provide for you. Honestly, it’s all a mind game. If you think you can or can’t, you’re right–as famously quoted by Les Brown, and again by Angela Ruggiero. In my lowest moments, it was not lack of luck or someone else to blame for my failure, but myself. If only I had thought about the situation differently and opened up my perspective to more possibilities, I could have changed it around and maybe learned something, at the very least.
That’s honestly the best advice I have received: your mind controls your outcome. So don’t let your negativity win, and you’re home free. And if you manage to fall down once or twice, good! Whatever happens, happens. All we can control is what we think and make of what is presented before us. Maybe all that hard work and persistence will pay off, no matter how long it takes you to achieve your goals. And as I enter a whole new adventure I’m not sure anyone on Earth could be entirely prepare for, I know that as long as I keep in mind I can control what the outcomes of situations are, I’ll have loads of interesting stories to share with family and friends.
