Fall has always been a weird time, as in the past, it has been a time of transitions. It has been a time of change and uncertainty, changing classes and schedules, dorms and the like. Yet, this year, less change has happened as my surroundings have more or less kept their familiar framework. It’s been a year and I can happily say that I know my way pretty well around the city, how to ask for most things in mediocre Chinese, and I’ve grown accustomed to the routine of my job. My friend group for the most part is intact, not counting the few goodbyes that had to happen. However, despite all these facts, I’ve felt lost.
It’s hard to tell if I lost myself in the mix of goodbyes and adjustments over the last two weeks, or if this is just a temporary lapse of morale on my end, but its reminiscent of the beginning of my senior year. My old routines felt foreign to me then, I longed for change, and I felt too comfortable. For me, getting too comfortable means boredom, which then leads to feeling down in the dumps about where I am and what I’m doing. Which is hilarious (really hilarious) because living in Taiwan and being abroad literally is a dream come true from my childhood. Perhaps, instead because I know I’m still happy to be in Taiwan everyday, I’ve gotten lost in the monotony of daily life.
This past weekend, after a barbecue, a friend of mine and I weren’t tired at all. We hopped on our scooters and agreed to go driving. Back home, that’s one thing I miss: just going for long drives. It clears your head and just leaves you feeling less cluttered mentally. We drove from one side of the city to the other, to Wanggaoliao to the top of one of the hills in Taichung so we could see the entire city. We sat there talking, and for the first time in a long time, I felt at ease. I wasn’t thinking about the people who had left, worrying about all I wanted to do in the near future, and caught up in work related issues. I felt at peace.
We continued driving, finding ourselves at the beginning of a popular street: Blue Light Alley. For those who are familiar, it’s a very Instagram famous location that basically is a street lined with blue lights that goes down for about three or so kilometers all the way from the top of the mountain near Wanggaoliao, all the way to Shalu and Longjing near Taichung Port. I’ve seen it all over the Internet, and just before we got to the beginning of the descent I stopped by the side to first, make sure we wanted to go down there, and second, take it in before we kept going.
Alas, we started down the hill. We were heading down, feeling the breeze move around us, growing chillier and chillier. Goosebumps rose on my skin and I was enamored by the speed, the views, and the amount of people sitting there with long exposure cameras set up to get both the traffic and the lights below in a photograph. Despite any discontent I was feeling, it was moments like this that were far more important than my own woes. Moments where I felt alive, utterly and completely happy with where I was, what I was doing, and who I was with.
Where I’m headed with this, in between my ramblings about boredom and driving down unknown streets, is that it’s okay to be lost. It’s okay to feel sadness for what is changing, it’s okay to miss people and the way things once were, but it’s important not to dwell too long, or you’ll miss moments like driving down Blue Light Alley. People come and go like the tides and currents of the seas that cover this planet, but all the people who are meant to be in your life come back at one point or another. Where you are right now is where you’re meant to be, and there’s still more for you to learn before you close that chapter. What matters most is the memories we make, the company we keep, and that we never, ever stop doing the things that give us goosebumps and remind us that life is one great adventure. Everything happens for a reason, and it’s important to just trust that.
I may feel a little lost right now, but it’s not forever. Despite the voids I feel occasionally from what used to be, there’s so much to look forward to in the future: so many people to meet, places to see, and things to do before my time in Taiwan comes to an end, whenever that may be. For now, what matters most, is not figuring out what will happen next and trying to understand it all, but embracing what is, what will be, and trusting the timing of our lives.
